Kisoutengai KinYoubi
by Mussimm
Summary: A missing nin, a squirrel, a chance encounter and... oh dear. It's a body swap story! ShikaTema ShikamaruxTemari
1. The Squirrel

The trees whirred by Shikamaru, his feet barely touching the light filtering through the leaves was getting less and less. When night fell his fighting skills would be reduced to practically nothing, so he knew this was a bad idea, but kept going. The shadows were long for now, advantageous.

It had all happened so fast. One minute they were sailing through the woods, hands in pockets, a routine document run. The next thing he knew there was a kunai through one nin's leg, a dozen shuriken in another's back, and the scroll was gone. Their attacker had been blindingly fast, he could have rivalled Rock Lee.

Now all Shikamaru knew was that he needed to get that scroll back. Speed didn't count for anything when you were locked in shadow imitation. They had been so stupid, he cursed himself. Letting their guard down while carrying top secret information. Sakura was still with the group, healing their wounds, so it was up to him to hunt down the offending nin before their documents ended up in the wrong hands.

He had lost sight of his opponent several minutes ago, and was wishing for Pakku or Akamaru to help him with this task. He was no tracker. With any luck there would be an ambush waiting for him. Outwitting an enemy ninja wouldn't be a problem. Easier than outrunning them.

Shikamaru huffed as he ran. This was just his luck. A simple document run turned into two casualties and a footrace. Troublesome. He spotted his good luck. An explosive tag rested on a tree in front of him. At least his wish for an ambush was coming through. He mentally projected his attacker's plan, running full pelt at the tree and springing off before the tag could catch him in its blast.

His landing was perfectly timed, and he instantly formed the seals for his shadow imitation. His shadow shot forward to where he knew the nin was waiting for him. He didn't have time to waste sparring, his team would need him back.

The ninja opposite him easily dodged his shadow, anticipating the maneuvre. Shikamaru cursed. Troublesome. His opponent wore a slashed Kiri forehead protector. Missing nin.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled, rising to his feet to assess to situation. The kirinin carried no obvious weapons, not even a pouch at his side. So he wouldn't appreciate engaging in taijutsu, but Shikamaru still needed more information.

"Konoha jounin," the man spoke in a low, rumbling voice. "Leave now and I will spare you."

"Hand over the scroll," he challenged. Every ninja seemed to think they could talk him out of fighting. He'd heard every line there was.

"Very well." The missing nin made a hand signal very much like Ino's and Shikamaru darted away. He didn't know what the man was doing, but he knew enough about Ino's technique to not want to find out. Keeping out of reach, he tried to find cover where he could work his shadow. Nothing was jumping out at him, which was frustrating. Nothing was ever simple.

He jumped upwards, breaking the line of site with the tree branch below him. It wasn't perfect, but might buy him some time to think. This guy was too fast to hit with his shadow. He might fall for the chakra knives, but his speed made his trajectory almost impossible to predict. This was going to be taxing.

"One more chance, Konoha jounin," the missing nin called out calmly. "You're already in my jutsu."

He was? Shikamaru frowned, his fingertips touching. He wasn't in any kind of pain, and certainly wasn't out of his mind. The jutsu had to be multistep. He had activated the first step, now he was going to activate the second. Whatever it was, he was sure he could find a way out. No jutsu was invincible.

"Come on, then," he drawled to his opponent.

"Your choice," the missing nin grinned, a maniacal glint reaching his eye. Shikamaru glanced over his shelter to see the same hand signal as before, but this time he wasn't even pointing it towards him. Just some random place in the scrub.

Without warning, Shikamaru's viewpoint changed. He blinked, suddenly looking at the only landmark, namely his opponent, from an entirely different angle. Looking around, he tried to figure out what had happened. Was that the big jutsu? To teleport someone else twenty feet? Definitely not invincible.

Shikamaru reached down to pull out his kunai and mount a surprise attack, but stopped short. Where his hands should have felt his trousers and kunai pouch, he instead felt soft, soft fur. He looked down and a sense of dread filled him. He frantically looked at his hands, and then whirled around, watching a big, brushy tail follow him.

_A squirrel?_

He desperately patted his face, hoping it would somehow remain the same. But no, chubby, fuzzy cheeks were all that greeted him. A glance over only increased his horror as he saw his own body looking around in a similar confused fashion, before it tried to climb the tree and fell flat on its back, letting out little chitters of fear.

"As you can see, my technique is one to fear." The gloating in the kirinin's voice made him suddenly furious. The anger in him blossomed and fell flat with an odd sounding sigh. He wasn't often taken by the urge to yell profanity, but on this rare occasion he was increasingly frustrated by his inability to do so.

The kirinin made the sign again, and Shikamaru felt himself once again jolt out of his body. Into a freefall. He watched the ground soar up at him and felt a moment of panic. Trying to get a grip on himself, he took a deep breath and looked around at a rather... odd angle.

His eyes were on the side of his head! He immediately begain beating the wings of the eagle he now possessed. This was not good. He had to take up some kind of offensive. And he wasn't particularly good at flying, he discovered. Wobbling through the air, Shikamaru tried to get his brain to function. Pigeons didn't have the most advanced thought processes, he discovered. It was a stifling feeling, trying to handle abstract thought even as he felt it slipping away from him. It was like a memory of a thought process.

Attack. He had to attack. It would be surprising. Next switch, whatever it should be, he had to attack, scratch the man's eyes out if necessary, anything to change the pattern of what was happening.

He breifly saw through the trees the shadow of another person, rushing to his aid. Sakura? She shouldn't be there, she should be with their injured team. And he didn't want her trapped in this same hell. He tried to gain control of his flight again, moving closer to the missing nin who was obviously enjoying himself.

His hands moved forward in the signal and Shikamaru prepared himself to attack with whatever weapon was available to him when it happened. Claws, teeth, anything, he had to find it and attack while the nin still thought he was disoriented.

The hands were brought forward and the world switched. Shikamaru nearly fell over backwards, a weight on his back so heavy that he could barely keep upright. He seemed to be blissfully on two legs and found his target. The nin, he sped forward, rushing straight at him, his hands groping at each other to try to make sense of his new form.

Two legs, long arms, five fingers, decent speed. Shikamaru grinned as he realised he was human, but it was short lived as he reached for his back to find out what was weighing him down. About four feet long, thin, metal, with some kind of cloth... between... oh, Kami.

No time for his mortification, he ripped the tessen off his back, seeing his own body nearly plummet to the ground in a pile of lanky limbs. He winced, but forced the fan open, his mind racing to figure out what to do with it, his target was approaching fast and he doubted that simply swinging it around was the trick. Her chakra was wind type, his was shadow. That wasn't going to work.

Snapping the tessen shut, Shikamaru hauled forward at his surprised target and slammed the closed fan into the tree with all his might. The trunk crumbled and he sprung backwards. He hadn't realised how strong this body was. The tree fell with an almighty _crash_.

Shikamaru looked down from his vantage point, trying to see his own wayward body in amongst the mess of trunk and branch, but couldnt find it. He did see the brutally beaten body of his forgotten opponent lying at an unhealthy angle on the ground below. It didn't matter for the moment, he leapt down to try to find his body. He needed that.

With enormous relief he saw one green clad leg sticking out from under a light branch. His body was struggling to get up, still ungainly at best. He pulled the branch off, once again surprised at his own strength, and backed off a little.

His body lay sprawled on its back, legs finding their way underneath him to push upright. "What the hell is wrong with my body?"

It was expected, but still a shock to hear his own voice. He was sure he didn't sound like that. Especially not with the girlish lilt to his words. It was tempting to hold out a hand and help her up, but he kept his distance, knowing that he'd want some space between them when she noticed him.

Sure enough, when his own eyes fell on him, his body stopped struggling. A dead calm fell over the forest as his voice rang out, calm and dangerous. "What are you doing in my body?"

"Tch," he tried to put his hands in his pockets, but realised that he didn't have any, instead tangling his hands in a long red obi. "Troublesome woman, the same thing you're doing in mine."

"Shikamaru?" she quizzed, his feminine voice making him wince again. She examined her new hands, looking down at his jounin outfit.

"Temari," he nodded in greeting. He didn't know why, but he liked hearing her voice from his mouth. "Any reason you're out here stealing my body?"

"Well I was heading back to Suna from Kirigakure," she huffed, finally managing to clamber to her feet. "I ran into Sakura who said you needed help, so I chose to oblige."

Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, you made my plan work, I was going to scratch out his eyes if he turned me into a squirrel again."

"What are you doing with my tessen?" she asked sharply, and he realised he had left it dragging in the ground. Pulling it up quickly, he tried to reattach it to his back. The weight fell awkwardly on his shoulder, it didn't seem to want to turn the right way. He found himself spinning on his heel, trying to reach the catch that held it and fit it properly.

Temari was watching him suffer, her head cocked to one side. Shikamaru glared at her and she wandered over to help. He felt the dead weight snap back into place easily under her guidance and sighed. Even her weapon was troublesome, what was wrong with a few kunai? At least they didn't require the back of an ox to carry them around.

The two ninja looked at each other silently. Shikamaru felt some of the initial shock wear off, the heaviness of the fan nothing compared to what had just settled on his shoulders. He was Temari, Temari was him. And he had just taken a tessen to the only person who knew how to turn them back.

"So what the hell do we do, genius?" Temari quizzed him, tilting her hips and folding her arms, _his_ hips and arms, in a humiliatingly feminine way. He was looking in an effeminate mirror and not liking what he saw.

"You're holding my brain hostage," he noted a little sourly. He wasn't having too hard a time in her body, but the fact that he could get 50 moves ahead at most without forgetting everything was not working for him. She had a decent brain, but he was missing his own.

"The only thing hostage here is my reputation," she snitted back at him. "People are going to think I've turned butch. Let's just go tell the Hokage and..."

"No!" he instantly objected. She stared at him like he was insane. "You're not doing wonders for my image either, but you don't have to live in Konoha. If they find out that you and I have... cohabitated, so to speak, I will never hear the end of it."

"So what?" she huffed. "I want my body back more than I want you to have a pleasant life."

"Fine," he shrugged. "Let's go see the Kazekage, I'm sure he'd be happy to..."

"No!" she echoed him, then looked away, embarrassed. "Point taken."

Shikamaru frowned, crouching down and assuming his thinking pose, hoping for insight. "Do you have an excuse to be in Konoha for a few days?"

"Yes," Temari nodded and he was momentarily distracted with thoughts of coaching her on how to act like a man. He quickly shook them off and started to mold some chakra.

Transformation jutsu complete, he stood up in his own body. "First let's see if the jutsu wears off."

She gave a curt nod and transformed back into her own body. Suddenly a lot more comfortable, he took in her appearance for the first time in six months. She looked good, 20 suited her. So did that dress. Not that he'd be telling her that.

"C'mon," he sighed, hauling the comatose missing nin over one shoulder and heading back toward Sakura.


	2. The Hawk

Konoha had never looked so welcoming. Temari knew that she was going to get it from Gaara for taking a leave of absence without prior notice, but it was still preferable to telling him the truth. The truth was not a place she'd be going anytime soon. At least with the transformation jutsu she'd claimed her body back temporarily, hopefully the ass was right about their swap wearing off.

Sakura had managed to heal both of the injured nin successfully, so they hadn't needed to lug them back to the village with the missing nin. Temari strode ahead of the others, anxious to get to the embassy. She wanted to drop the transformation jutsu and see if she was feeling like herself again. Even with her impressive chakra, it wasn't infinite and she was starting to feel the sting.

A walls of the leaf village overshadowed their silent party, there was no one to greet them, no one was expecting them to be carrying a dangerous prisoner. Luckily they hadn't killed him, she had the feeling they'd be needing his help in the near future.

The two gate guards nodded their greetings and Shikamaru stopped, turning to Sakura. They shared a few hushed words and she nodded, taking the kirnin onto her own shoulder. He shrugged out of the weight and turned toward Temari.

"Sakura's going to report to Tsunade-sama," he mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I figured you'd want to get to the embassy."

Temari nodded, smirking. At least his smarts were good for something. It would have been sweet of him to think of her needs, but she knew he was dying to release his transformation as much as she was. She cocked her head, "Coming, then?"

He nodded, taking up an easy stride beside her. Neither of them felt the need to speak, Temari felt as though she was smuggling a lover into the embassy, they were both so desperate to reach their destination that the air could be cut with a knife. Although their motives were, in fact, a bid to get _out_ of each others' pants.

She admitted to herself silently that she would then have to get back into his pants, which were _comfortable_. Men's clothing had many virtues, and she was questioning her decision to wear dresses on the field. His rumpled trousers and shirt were like a cloud of comfort compared to her constricting feminine clothing.

Their pace quickened in unison as the embassy came into view, Temari had to stop herself from running. Just a little further...

She burst into the front door, jogging for the stairs. The guard at the door didnt bother to question her, used to the cold shoulder on her arrival. She checked over her shoulder to make sure that Shikamaru was following, he kept easy time, long legs and long strides. They raced up the stairs, slamming the door behind them.

Now, to get out of his pants. Temari raised her hands and released the transformation jutsu, looking down to check for any sign that she was more herself. Same gangly body, same dinner plate hands, same stupid outfit.

"So now what?" she huffed, looking up and starting slightly at the sight of her body slouched across from her. Kami, that posture, it made her look dumpy. She didn't know that dumpy was in her repetoire.

He sighed, frowning deeply, "Well it might still wear off, but if we keep up the transformation we'll eventually get chakra exhaustion, so we should save it for emergencies."

"I agree," she noted coolly, leaning against a low counter and suddenly being thrown off balance, not used to the height. She stumbled but regained composure, ingoring the piercing smirk he was throwing her way. She narrowed her eyes and growled, "But that's not helping us."

Shikamaru shrugged again, rubbing the back of his head, fingers tangling in the foreign ponytails. She wanted to lunge forward and fix him, straighten his shoulders, close his knees, smooth his hair, but restrained herself.

"I guess we'll have to wait until the missing nin wakes up," he drawled. "He's the only one who knows what jutsu he used, or how to reverse it. How long can you stay away from Suna?"

"A week, maybe two. I'll write to Gaara requesting a leave of absence." Temari walked to her desk, delicately picking up a pen and beginning to write. One of many perks to being the Kazekage's sister, she was allowed to take time off at a whim so long as she didn't push it. It had been six months since her last personal day, her brother wouldn't complain. Even if he did, she had bigger problems than a pissed off Gaara, and it wasn't often that she said that.

The silence as she wrote was anything but companionable. It was awkward. They'd had the whole trip back to think about the ramifications of being in each others' bodies. Not the least of which was that they'd eventually need to shower. She needed to already. Was it normal to sweat this much? Maybe it was a guy thing. She was not looking forward to seeing him naked.

It was only a lust thing, Temari was sure that she wasn't the only one to notice how tall he'd grown, how potent he was in battle, a dozen other traits that women were programmed to find sexy. Yet she managed to not have the slightest inclination to pursue that interest for one reason: he was so, so annoying. It killed every positive aspect of his character. Still, that didn't mean that she wanted unfettered or unsupervised access to his body.

The thought sparked inside of her suddenly and she whirled around to find him inspecting her feet. She pointed her pen accusingly at Shikamaru.

"You will not be left alone with that body. Ever. Do you understand? No sneaking peeks or letting your hands go anywhere below the face."

He looked at her with some surprise. "Fine. One grubby, smelly, exhausted body coming right back to you as soon as possible."

"Don't give me that, we'll just have to hang around each other a lot, and sleep together, and shower together!" Temari felt her face flush bright red at the thought. Hanging around she could do, sleeping she could do, but the image of them showering together, switched bodies or not, was too much for her. She never blushed, but now her face was on fire.

"I think you're underestimating how awkward that would be," Shikamaru noted calmly. It was easy for him to be calm, he didn't feel like his head was about to explode. Why could she not just think of something without thinking of a million possible outcomes? And fit those outcomes with sparklingly clear images? Stupid, stupid genius and his bulging brain.

"Shut up!" Temari took a deep breath, closing her eyes and forcing herself to be calm. The blush faded but her hands were still shaking slightly. She looked back at him. "We can't count on the missing nin. We have to find a backup plan."

This seemed to rattle him. Something, finally. He looked away, hands clutching at her dress, obviously missing his pockets. She narrowed her eyes. He knew something.

"I have a backup plan, but it's a last resort only," Shikamaru grumbled. She waited for him to elaborate, but he stayed silent, not meeting her gaze. She sighed, it was like dealing with a petulant child.

"Well, spill it already."

He paused, meeting her gaze for a split second. She wondered if her face always had that haughty look, it seemed imprinted there more than created by him.

"The sign he made was like the Yamanaka clan jutsu. They might know something, it's likely to be related to their jutsu so they may know how to reverse it. Maybe."

"And why is this a last resort?" she demanded. They didn't have time to be stuffing around. If the Yamanakas could fix them before the first time they had to strip off then it was worth pretty much any price they had to pay.

"If we tell Ino about this, which we'd have to, then everyone in Konoha, Suna and everywhere in between will be talking about it. And not just this, but whatever insinuations and rumours she adds to it. We might as well post an ad in the paper." The long suffering look on his face was almost funnier than his announcement was daunting.

Temari sighed, finishing her note finally. So the missing nin was their best chance of getting out of this unscathed. She didn't know much about the Yamanaka girl except for the lip she'd received after the chuunin exams, but she knew enough to know that if Gaara found out about the body swap, she didn't want it to be from that girl.

"Well, then I suggest you get used to acting like me," she turned around, holding out the scroll. Shiakamaru took it hesitantly. "This needs to go upstairs to the messenger. Our hawk will take it back to Suna."

–

Shikamaru climbed the stairs hesitantly. He wasn't often nervous, but selling Temari was going to be hard. Her haughty, disinterested look was easy enough, but he didn't think he could sell the alertness in her eyes at the same time. The way her hips swung was apparently as natural to her form as breathing, but he didn't think he could sell the way she dared men to look, to see if they could get away with it.

Maybe other people weren't paying as much attention. He hoped as much. She sure as hell wouldn't be gripping the scroll in her hands until her knuckles were white. Shikamaru loosened his fist, trying to imitate her dignified gait.

It was good to get a short break from Temari, he needed to collect his thoughts and she was having some kind of meltdown. Shikamaru wasn't feeling much better after her demand that they shower together. He hadn't known that his skin could actually turn that shade of red. He hadn't know that Temari possessed the ability to blush, either. It wasn't what he needed to take his mind off the fact that he was stuck in the body of a fully grown woman. Her cleavage had been staring at him to begin with. Every time he looked down it was just _there_.

It was one thing to be a gentleman, but he was still red-blooded.

The aviary was ahead and he let the lilt of his hips become a little more exaggerated. There was a single attendant, who probably barely saw Temari. A decent first test.

"I need this sent to the Kazekage." If there was one thing he knew about Temari, it was that she wouldn't let the attendant start the interaction.

"Of course, Temari-sama," the man bowed, not actually moving anywhere but taking the scroll off his hands. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

_Get me some milk and cookies?_ Shikamaru wondered vaguely. If he needed something else he would have asked for it, this man should just go and do his job. He didn't need a babysitter to get back to Temaris room. "No, that's all."

Shikamaru turned around, slightly perturbed by the weird attendant. As he made his way back toward the stairs, he stole a glance over his shoulder. The man still hadn't moved an inch.

He shuddered and kept moving. His first test passed with flying colours, the guy didn't suspect a thing. He wasn't even worried about his part, he didn't have anyone to impress at the embassy. It was Temari that he was worried about, because his body would have to check in with Yoshino and Shikaku. If he tried to go home transformed he'd have chakra exhaustion in no time, and the last thing he wanted was to be explaining this to Tsunade when he was admitted to hospital.

Temari was perched on the counter when he pushed the door open and he hung his head. She was sitting with legs crossed, hands clasped on her knee, looking at him inquisitively.

"Don't... sit like that," he ordered, disbelieving. In her own body she looked like a curvy temptress in that position. Not so great on him.

"Whatever," she sighed, uncrossing her legs and slouching dramatically.

Shikamaru felt something fire up inside of him, the childish way he was treated by the messenger, now Temari dismissing him when he needed her to get this right. It wasn't her that was going to be in big trouble if Yoshino discovered trickery.

"Will you shut it and listen to me?" he surprised himself by yelling.

"Like I'd want to talk," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "How do your survive with all these thoughts in your head? I'm exhausted."

He nearly laughed. A Temari too tired to talk, he never thought he'd see the day. It was kind of nice not having his brain constantly buzzing, even if he missed his forward thinking. He decided not to let up on her, she'd never given him a break. "Well, get it together. You have to pass for me at my house. Quit sitting up so straight."

"Fine." Temari sighed and slouched down, shoving her hands delicately into her pockets. He didn't really know how to coach her out of being delicate. You can take the girl out of her body but you can't... Shikamaru stopped, her couldn't think of an ending to that sentence and her limited brain was frustrating.

"Just listen," he hissed. He stopped. He needed to shake this off. Some combination of her hormones, her brain, and the guy before was short circuiting his temper. It wasn't in him to be angry, logical and calm was his thing. "Okay, you have to start acting like me."

"Not hard," she mumbled, slouching further, looking completely worn out. "Just troublesome."

Shikamaru had to admit that it was a decent impression. If she could keep it up and not hang around his parents too much, they might actually get away with it. He felt a slight rush of affection, realising how well she must have observed him. Temari was brash and loud and demanding, but she was nothing if not a devoted friend. She probably knew every one of his ticks like the back of her hand.

"C'mon," he said, heading for the door. "We'll grab something to eat, then when you get home you can just make an excuse and go to bed."


	3. The Deer

Grey dawn crept through Konoha. The citizens were still asleep, the night watch growing drowsy. The village was peaceful.

Shikamaru awoke lazily, feeling strangely refreshed by his night's sleep. He lay in bed and looked at the ceiling, not used to waking up so easily. He felt like he'd slept for two days, he hadn't felt so well rested in... well... ever. And he hadn't dreamed. Dreams were so common for him, they always had been, his whole life's problems working their way out in images and thoughts, but last night was blissfully black.

He yawned happily, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He had managed to survive the shower and change, setting it out like an obstacle course and then running it blindfolded as quickly as possible. It wasn't too troublesome, but he was still hoping not to do it again. He'd dressed in her travelling clothes so that he wouldn't have to change again in the morning.

Looking out the window, he blanched. What time was it? Had he slept at all? He glanced at the clock, 5:45. Shikamaru just stared at the wall clock, he hadn't actually known that this time existed. The only time he ever saw before 10am was on missions. He sure as hell didn't naturally wake up at this time. Maybe it was sleeping in the dress. Women's clothing was a nightmare, he was quickly discovering. Every single item itched or pinched or rubbed or slipped, it was like some diabolical trap to stop them from concentrating on anything.

Temari still had it easy, even with the obi. His time alone made him more envious by the second. Not only was her body full of energy, flexible as hell and so strong that he never had to put effort into anything, but the only time she was hassled was by people wanting to do things for her. Make her food, clean her room, attend to any of her whims. Sure it was a little irritating that he had to convince everyone he was alright just to go grab a mug of tea from the kitchen, but still, she didn't know how lucky she was.

Well, she was going to realise soon enough.

The only bad thing was that stupid fan. It weighed a ton. He picked it up and considered the easiest way to attach it to his back without Temari's help. He tried to visualise the angle she usually held it when reconnecting, but his brain wouldn't work with him, not allowing the imagery he required to show up clearly. Growling in frustration, Shikamaru threw the fan onto his back, his elbows flying out wildly. A yelp escaped his mouth as the fan slammed into his tailbone.

"Temari-sama!" The response was instant. The door swung open and a servant bustled in, looking for the source of his pain. The young woman bowed deeply, as if asking for permission to exist.

"I'm fine," he said apologetically. "I just... hurt my arm on the mission and now I can't reach to attach my tessen. Could you help me?"

Shikamaru felt a slight rush of pride at his ingenius excuse. Perfect. The servant looked as though she'd just found a child with a splinter in her thumb.

"Oh, of course!" she cooed. "And you've twisted your obi! Let me help you dress, Temari-sama."

Before he could object she had whipped the long ribbon off expertly, posing him as she needed to correctly tie the dress. He felt a blush spread across his face as the woman's hands tugged at his foreign waist and hips, smoothing the fabric and pulling it into position. The situation could not have been more uncomfortable for him. Women probably had no problem being in their underwear around other women, or having their clothing fixed, but despite appearances he was a _man_. And men did not feel comfortable with strange women fussing over their underwear. At all.

"Okay, that's fine," he gushed hurriedly. "Thank you, if you could just fix my tessen..."

"Oh nonsense, dear," the servant looked stern. "You're the Kazekage's sister, you can't go around town looking like that. In fact off with those clothes, you shouldn't be walking around town in your travelling clothes. Let me find you..."

Kami, it was like living with Ino. A dozen Inos. Shikamaru closed his eyes, willing this ordeal to be over with quickly. The woman was rustling through the wardrobe, which he hadn't noticed. It was interesting to see the array of clothing she had. He's only ever seen her in three different outfits, her white fighting outfit, her purple kimono with that apron thing, and her black travelling dress. No hint of the dozens of sparkling outfits in that wardrobe. And this was just in Konoha, he wondered how many she had back in Suna.

Shikamaru stifled a yell as the dress was slipped off his shoulders, leaving him in the compromising position he'd been trying to avoid. He looked down at Temari's body, his cheeks burning red at the sight. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to get the image to go away. This body looked a whole lot different from a new perspective.

Mercifully a new dress was pushed over him just a quickly, he held out his arms as directed so she could tie the long sash around his waist. At least she wasn't taking her time, for which he was eternally graceful. He found himself dressed in a matter of seconds and looked in the mirror. He had decided to simply leave her hair out after a few unsuccessful attempts at her usual style. Damn, she looked good in these clothes. A simply white kimono, embroidered with purple flowers. The purple obi was ridiculously long and flowing, like the red one she wore with her purple apron dress, but he could appreciate this.

A smirk crossed his face. The real Temari would have pitched a fit at the feminine clothes, but he felt that her image could use a little softening. That and if he kept her in public she wouldn't be able to beat him up for it. He was certain that she was taking advantage of having his image in her hands, so he decided the kimono would stay.

The reverie was broken as he felt the enormous weight of her tessen fall on his back.

"Thank you," he bowed slightly to the matron. She smiled broadly, as if he had just given her a raise.

"Oh, you're so welcome, Temari-sama. Now you're ready for a big day of dimplomacy."

He felt the tiniest flare of anger. What was he, five? Maybe if he was a good boy today she'd give him a treat.

"Yes," he said tersely. "I have to be going, a lot of... diplomacy to do."

Shikamaru took off for the door as fast as he could, hoping that Temari would be up already so that they could get to the hospital and get their own bodies back.

–

_Thump! Thump! Thump!_

"Shikamaru!" A shrill voice cut through the morning air.

Temari opened a single eye. What? She looked around, trying to figure out where she was. The previous day came rushing back to her and she groaned, still not moving. She felt a kind of nausea at being woken up, as though she had been sleep deprived for days or possibly weeks. Her eyes closed again as she tried to work up the will to rise from the bed.

"Shikamaru!" The voice was back. That loud, aggravating voice. It was all she'd heard the night before when she'd finally made it back to Shikamaru's home, exhausted. She'd already eaten, she just wanted to go to bed. But no, not before this voice demanded that she do the dishes, clean her room, reorganise his books and feed the deer.

"What?" she moaned, trying to sit up with limited success. She felt like she hadn't slept a wink, and even then, her sleep had been plagued by dreams. Dreams of Gaara and Kankurou, dreams of Sand, dreams of Leaf, dreams of missing nin and Shikamaru and demanding voices and a thousand other things. It was like reliving the last two weeks all over again. It was, in a word, troublesome.

"You have a young lady here to see you! Get your ass down here!"

Temari flopped back into bed, groaning. Shikamaru was up before her? What a pain. She opened her eyes and realised sunlight was streaming into the bedroom. The hell? What time? The clock on his bedside table flashed 10:24. This woke her up, she practically leapt out of bed. She'd never overslept so badly in her life.

"Coming!" she called, trying to sound lazy about it even though she was now wide awake. She had slept in his clothing last night so that she wouldn't have to change more than necessary. Rumpled, crumpled, she looked just like him, she smirked. The character needed to be perfect for Yoshino, but Temari felt herself faultering, and saw her hand shaking. She tossed the thought aside. She put on her best half-asleep face and opened the door a crack, staring at Yoshino. "I'm coming, okay?"

"Don't you give me any lip, young man," Yoshino hissed, grabbing her by the collar and hauling her out of the door. "It's not polite to keep a lady waiting and this is the second time she's come to see if you were awake today."

"I wasn't," she grumbled, deciding to keep character. She pulled out of his mother's grip and slouched down the stairs. Temari stopped in horror as she saw her body pacing impatiently in the hall. What had he done to her? The colour drained from her face. He looked like a _girl._ Not just a girl, but a girly girl. "The hell...?"

"Oh, _Shikamaru-kun_," he said pointedly, a smirk playing across his face at her reaction. "It's good to see that you're awake."

She glared at him, wondering how she was supposed to beat him up for this travesty. His hair was down! Her hair! Down! That was just unacceptable. The urge set of a chain of thoughts. There was nowhere private to show him what happened to people who messed with her, and even if there was she'd just end up hurting her own body. So if she hurt his body, the suffering would be temporary for her but perhaps a bad enough maining would last until they switched back, but she wouldn't want it so severe that it would hinder their quest to get their bodies back.

Temari smacked her palm against her face, trying desperately to stop thinking so deeply. It made every minute drag by until she felt like a sixteen hour waking day had gone on for a week. Damn him for pulling this on her, she'd be thinking about how to pay him back all day. Why did he have to be so...

"Troublesome." Her pout earned her a smack on the head from Yoshino. Temari licked her lips, feeling her hands shake again. She needed.... something. It was like thirst or hunger, but different.

"Come on, Shikamaru-kun," Shikamaru purred, crossing his arms and letting his hip jut out to the side. He was enjoying this too much. "You're going to be late for work."

Work? The lazy bum _worked?_ "Oh, right."

Temari offered a goodbye to Yoshino and ushered Shikamaru out of the door, her brain pausing to think about how weird it was to eject someone from their own house. The devious smirk on his face suggested that he had done this outfit fiasco simply to mess with her. She was more pissed off than she ought to have been by him showing up in that. It was just a dress, it was in her wardrobe.

"Why are you wearing that?" she rounded on him as soon as they were out of earshot of the Nara household. "What was wrong with my usual outfits?"

"One of your servants molested me into it," he sniffed. "Turns out I'm not so great at tying an obi."

"Next time get them to tie you into something I want to be seen wearing in public, would you?" she couldn't keep the anger out of her voice, completely dropping his slow drawl from her throat.

"Hey, it's just a dress." He dropped his imitation as well, turning her voice into a grumble.

"It's not..." she bit her lip. She had worn that thing before, to some meeting with the daimyo's ambassador. But that was different, he wasn't allowed to go through her things to so obviously humiliate her. And this weird hunger she was experiencing wasn't doing her any favours."Just don't do it again, jerk."

"Fine, fine," he put his hands up defensively. "I'm due at the cryptology unit soon, so you're up. We're completely stuck on a message sent between Honey and Sound, so don't worry, they won't be expecting you to crack it. Just don't give yourself away."

"And you?" she asked, already drowning in thoughts of the million possibilities when it came to codebreaking.

"I'm going to the hospital to check in on the missing nin. He might be awake by now, so I'll find out how much persuasion he's going to need to change us back."

She nodded, trusting him to handle it. It wasn't usual for her to put something important in someone else's hands, but Shikamaru could get the job done, she had the harder task of spending all day with his coworkers. Cryptology sounded like a nightmare to her, so many different paths of thought it could take. Her brain seemed to be slightly short circuiting as it was. Why were her lips so dry?

Shikamaru montioned to a building ahead, she saw that it was his department, it was showtime. She frowned. "What time do I leave here?"

He shrugged, "Around 4. But if they get a break, you'll need to stay to see it through."

"If you're not done by the time I'm off, find somewhere secluded to hang out. Cloud watch or something," she ordered, hoping he wouldn't try to hang around with his friends. He nodded but didn't reply, looking a little anxious about sending her in.

Temari flashed him her best smile, which didn't turn out quite as well on his lips, and marched into the building without a word of farewell. It looked like the kind of place she'd like. The people here would be geeks, easily bossed around, eager to please and probably succeptable to those of the feminine persuasion. It grated just a little that today she couldn't take advantage of any of those weaknesses. Today she was the geek, the brain, the greasy teenager with no social skills. Today she blended in here, the thought made her shudder.

She guessed the way to his office, knowing which division he was with and used the walk to sink back into character. It was harder than it had been the night before. Kami, what was this feeling she had? Maybe it was because she skipped breakfast, she knew that growing boys needed large amounts of food. But then she would have felt hungry, this was all different. She did her best to adjust her posture and expression before pushing the door open.

She was greeted by a few sets of disinterested eyes. The walls were covered in books and picture boards, which were in turn covered in slips of paper with scribbled writing on them. There were a few desks, more notes and books. A thinktank. None of them were talking, which meant that she wouldn't be expected to.

"Shikamaru-kun!" Temari nearly jumped out of her skin, she hadn't seen the little woman perched near the bookcase behind the door. A pair of eyes stared up at her through thick glasses, a breathless look on the face of the girl. Shikamaru had mentioned that there was only one female who worked with him. Shiho.

"Shiho-san," she inclined her head in greeting. Shiho's cheeks reddened at the sound of her name and Temari shifted uncomfortably. He hadn't mentioned that the girl was in love with him, maybe he hadn't even realised. Knowing him, he had no clue, even with Shiho being so obvious. Apparently Temari wasn't the only one who noticed Shikamaru turning into a man.

"Please, tell me what you think of my new cipher, I think it may be the key," Shiho gushed. Oh, great. She was promised that she would not be expected to know anything. Before she could object, her face was shoved into a stack of papers containing wild scribble that she couldn't understand. The girl's hand was resting on her back in a familiar way and Temari felt a sudden rush of jealousy.

She realised that she was now expected to say something. The important thing here was to keep it non-committal. "Yeah, you should keep working with this."

Shiho swooned. "Really? You think I'm onto something?"

"Sure," Temari shrugged. "Just keep at it."

Shiho started talking again, but Temari wasn't listening. She looked down at the papers and saw one distinctly different script, which she guessed to be the encoded message. She took up a pen and started writing, her eyes never leaving the script. Shikamaru was going to kill her for this, but she knew the code.

It wasn't code at all, it was a very old script that had died completely about ten years back. It had originated in a province near Suna and her father had used it to write to the daimyo. She didn't know it fluently, but these guys were codebreakers, if she could start them off they'd probably get the hang of it.

Shiho had stopped talking, her eyes fixated on Temari's writing. She wrote down the message, filling in the words that she knew, and looked up at the pair of googley glasses. "Does this help?"

--


	4. The Minx

The hospital was never a good place to visit. Ninja in high pressure situations were likely to be imprudent, even towards allies. Medical ninja were no exception, and the never ending pressure of lives in their hands meant that the slightest indiscretion would lead to the entire floor's nursing staff handing the offender's ass to him on a platter. And not getting in the way was hard, especially in the prison wing which was a constant mess of rituals and guards.

It was for these many reasons that Shikamaru did not like visitting the hospital. It didn't help that Tsunade could find him there. That woman was almost as bad as his mother, constantly nag, nag, nag. At least today she would have no idea where he was. Temari could deal with that.

Shikamaru smoothly stepped out of the way as a door burst open, a green haired woman running across the hall as fast as her feet would carry her. He sighed, thanking Kami for the narrow evasion of disaster. Damned hospital. No one ever just wandered anywhere in this place, all busting a move to get where they needed to go.

The kirinin's room was at the end of the hall. The door here was plastered with a poster, which he quickly recognised as the man's bingo book entry. Yamada Tenchi, four dimplomatic assassinations, twelve civillian kills, uncounted number driven insane. Shikamaru snorted, they werent driven insane, they were killed, the random forest animals that inhabitted their bodies probably looked pretty loopy though. Sick fuck.

He pushed open the door, eyes drawn immediately to the prone figure lying under crisp white sheets. The man hadn't looked so big from a distance, but now Shikamaru could see that he was enormous, well over six feet tall. And thankfully he was awake. Yamada's eyes turned toward the figure in the doorway and a grin crossed his face.

Shikamaru slid the door closed behind him, a dark expression crossing his face. The femininity in his posture fell away and he stood imposingly over the injured nin.

"I thought I'd see you again," Yamada Tenshi rumbled, his deep voice making the air quiver. Shikamaru felt his anger building.

"Put me back."

"You got me a good one," the kirinin continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I wasn't expecting you to attack me. Usually by the time they're transferred three times they dont have any brain function left."

"Put me back," Shikamaru repeated, his lips curling.

"What?" Tenshi smirked wolfishly. "You're not enjoying being in that body? A boy your age would usually kill to get his hands on a pair of- "

"Enough!" He surprised himself with volume. Temari's had a short temper, her body was made for it, her life was made for it. He didn't have time to screw around, she would be expecting results. And this filth was not allowed to comment on the sand princess's body. "I want my body back. Now."

"Funny, the nurses told me that I was taken down by the great Konoha genius," Tenshi spoke thoughfully, his confidence not waning. "And yet you're stupid enough to think just demanding that is going to make it happen."

"You want something from me." It wasn't a question. Shikamaru should have known that it wouldn't be that easy. "I have nothing that you could possibly want."

"You have this village's trust," Tenshi negotiated. "You could help me to escape. My freedom for your body."

Shikamaru sneered down at the man. That was one skill that Temari's body had in abundance. "It's not happening. Even if I did it you wouldn't change me back. Maybe I'll just wait until Kirigakure executes you."

Yamada's laughter roared around the room. "Don't hold your breath, boy. First they have to extradite me, then try me for my crimes, then arrange a secure facility in the daimyo's borders, then I go on the waiting list. You'll be bouncing your grandkids on your knee before I'm dead."

Shikamaru cursed loudly. The bastard was right, it took a notoriously long time to execute a prisoner. He should have taken that tessen and finished him off.

"I won't betray my village," he reasoned. "Surely we can meet half way."

Tenshi shook his head, smug grin still plastered on his face. "I'm going to give you a few days to sit on this, boy. That body you're in looks like a decent kunoichi. When she finds out what you _will _do with her body if you havent already, you're going to do anything to give her what she wants. And that will be one thing: her body."

This was useless and infuriating. Shikamaru pushed the door open, stalking outside to the sound of his tormentor's laughter. He didn't bother to avoid the staff, this time just slipping out one of the windows, letting Temari's toned legs catch him softly on the ground. If he was going to crack that nut it would take some time. And some planning. Not that planning was his forte anymore, he'd have to leave it to Temari.

"Fuck," he hissed under his breath. He was pissed off with Yamada, but it was about to get worse. He had left it until late in the day to visit to hospital, hoping that Temari would be done at cryptology when he was done with Yamada. Which put him walking through town at peak hour.

This wasnt usually a problem for him. Shikamaru would mosy through town happily, avoiding attention by getting lost in the crowd. It was great for pretending that you couldn't hear people that you didn't want to talk to, or catching people when they were too busy to pay much attention. The problem was that they were too busy because they had people like Temari to attend to.

He wasn't sure what kind of pathology made them need to give advice to the ambassador. Perhaps it was the kind of publicity of having her shop at their store, or some kind of ego boost if she happened to compliment a good suggestion. Maybe it was just that they wanted to rub elbows with Suna royalty. Whatever it was, it lead to a lot of people like the one who was hovering in the corner of his eye, about to call out.

"Temari-sama!" A shopkeep cooed. "You shouldn't be walking alone, where is your escort?"

He had learned very quickly that being nice to every single person was not on the schedule.

"I don't need an escort," he said curtly, barely even looking at the insipid woman. It was always 'Temari-sama this' or 'Ambassador-sama that'. He had bigger things on his mind than his choice of shoes or lunch or weapon or whatever else people could think up to second guess him on. What on earth made them think it was okay to do that to a total stranger? The servants at the embassy were bad enough.

Shikamaru kept his head down and tried to blend into the crowd. It was tough in the gaudy kimono, but he managed to make it across town relatively unscathed, shielded by dozens of commuters. He was grateful for the lull in onlookers.

The cryptology department looked so welcoming, he wished that he'd spent the day there instead of hiding out on the training ground. Still, he had plenty of time left to get some things done with the day, Temari's body was so full of energy it was almost painful. He had actually made use of the training ground for the first time in recent memory. It was just... necessary to burn it off.

The cryptology building had a tall figure standing on the stoop, and Shikamaru wondered how long she had been waiting for him. Upon sighting him she horrifyingly threw her arms in the air, swinging her hips like some kind of weird victory pose.

"Guess," she chanted at him, "who solved the mystery that Mr. Smarty Pants Cry Baby couldn't solve."

He found himself staring at his body playing at cheerleader, gobsmacked. The only thought that would run through his head was a silent prayer that no one was looking out the window at this mortifying display.

"Guess," she repeated, a girlish grin on her face. Shikamaru groaned. The twin horrors of that look on _his_ face and the fact that she'd actually succeeded at his job was too much for him. He didn't need this after a long day of fending off critics.

"You?" he grumbled to her expectant face. The grin that broke over her face would have been endearing if it had, in fact, been her face.

"Me," she announced smugly, finally settling back into the correct posture. Her face was still lit with barely concealed joy. It looked more like a perverted leer on his face. He noticed with a frown that she was shaking heavily, and it almost looked like she was sweating.

"Guess who asked to be set free upon the world in exchange for reversing our condition?" He countered, somewhat enjoying the sight of her fading smile. Anything to stop the insufferable know-it-all attitude he was constantly surrounded with. "I'll give you a hint, it wasn't me."

Temari's face flushed with anger. "He wants _what?_"

"You heard me." Shikamaru turned his back on her, leading the way back toward town, letting her fluster on her own if she wanted to. He was mildly concerned with the fact that she looked sick. It wouldn't do for his body to get sick.

"He has to know that we can't oblige that request," Temari snorted, catching up to his side, apparently unperturbed at his rudeness. "He's playing at something else."

"According to him I'll be willing to do anything in a few days." Shikamaru shrugged, his hands automatically looking for his pockets once again, ending up trapped in his sleeves instead. "He says you'll crack and demand it when you realise the implications of a teenage boy residing in your body."

Their voices were hushed by this point, but she snorted loudly. "If you think a single teenage thought about my body, the only thing keeping you alive will be me not wanting to hurt my pretty face."

"Too late," he mocked. She stopped dead, and he realised that he had made a mistake. The flush of anger in her face was enough to make him back off a step, holding up his hands defensively. "Joking, Tem, I'm jo-"

Shikamaru was cut off by a blow to the back of his head, sending him sprawling on the ground a few feet away. He coughed, trying to drag air back into his lungs. Even in his body she could hit hard. His legs tangled in the kimono as he tried to crawl to his knees, vision still spinning. This was not going to end well. No more jokes about that, he decided.

"_Shikamaru!_" Oh, Kami, no. Please, no, anything but that. He raised his head to see his mother storming over, bag of groceries lying on the ground, forgotten. What in hell had Temari been thinking, hitting her own body in such a public place? He couldn't be seen assaulting an ambassador. Not that he ever had anyway.

Yoshino grabbed Temari by the ear, causing her to double over with pain. Shikamaru knew too well the power of that ear hold. She yelped, trying to escape the older woman's grip. Bad move, never twist while in the ear hold. The lecture was so loud and shrill that he couldn't understand a word of it, but guessed that if it took him a year to get his body back he'd still be hearing about this.

He felt hands helping him off his knees, it was hard to concentrate with the amount of noise, so it took him a minute to realise that they were embassy attendants, probably doing their own shopping. They helped him off, brushing off his clothes and fussing over his hair. Their own crooning was almost as bad as his mother.

"Temari-sama, are you alright?"

"Temari-sama, let's get you home."

"You need to change you're clothes."

"And take a bath."

"That's going to hurt tomorrow."

"Don't worry, we'll help you."

"_Stop!_" Shikamaru finally yelled. He hadn't really known that he could reach such a pitch, but the entire marketplace stopped to look at him. He yanked his arms out of the attendants' grasp, pulling back a step. "I'm a _ninja_, what the hell do you think you're doing? Like I can't take a hit or two? Get the hell back to the embassy!"

The two women looked completely mortified and scurried away like their life depended on it. With the way Shikamaru felt, they were probably very wise to run. He turned his attention to Yoshino. As funny as it was to see Temari cowering in her grasp, he knew it would be him suffering in the long run.

"I am so sorry for his behaviour," Yoshino said diplomatically, sounding as if she was an ambassador herself rather than a madwoman trying to kill her son.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Shikamaru bowed deeply, watching Temari's face fall even further. He imbued his voice with every ounce of earnest sincerity that he had in him."I said something extremely inappropriate to your son. I am truly sorry, Shikamaru, you had every right to strike me."

He held his breath. If he was lucky Yoshino would let her go, but he was kidding himself thinking that she wasnt going to get it later on. Their house would be considered a haven on domestic violence if both father and son weren't ninja. Temari would be learning all about temper control tonight.

Yoshino hesitantly removed her hands, folding them by her side. Her face was still suppressing anger, now somewhat suspicious. She looked at Temari, her face a mask of maternal disappointment. "Violence against a lady is never acceptable. But if Temari-sama assures me that she holds no grudge then you may go."

"No grudge at all." Shikamaru gave his best shot at a bright smile. Temari slunk to his side. "Please, I need Shikamaru to escort me back to the embassy."

Yoshino nodded hesitantly. "We will be talking further on this, young man."

"Troublesome woman," Temari hissed, and he had the feeling she hadn't said it to stay in character. He smirked. Finally she was getting to see the delightful women that shaped his attitude. They both watched cautiously as the domineering matron disappeared into the crowd and Shikamaru rounded on Temari.

"What in hell were you thinking?" he hissed. She growled at him, but he knew that he was in the right this time. "You cant go around hitting me now, as much as I know you enjoy it. A girl can give a guy a playful hit, a guy can't smack a girl senseless. Have you lost your mind?"

Temari hissed. "Funny how your twisted sexism always favours _you_, isn't it? At least I see where you got it from now."

Oh no, he was not watching his body throw a hissy fit. "Just keep your damn temper under control."

"Keep your hands out of my pants," she retorted. Their whispered argument was going to get more heated again if he didn't keep his cool. Just because he was finally getting infected by her temper didn't mean he could rely on her to be the one to knock some sense into both of them.

"I haven't touched you," he said, feeling slightly guilty for even joking about it. Yamada had been right, the very thought could drive her crazy, the idea that he was raping her while she couldn't defend herself. His voice dropped with genuine apology. "I'm sorry for joking about it."

She didn't reply, her eyes straight ahead. Her face had lost some of its colour and there was a definite sheen to her forehead. This whole encounter had made her weaker. "We're not going to crack this tonight. Let's sleep on it and find something else to offer the missing nin. I'll see you tomorrow."

Shikamaru wanted to say sorry again, the force her to forgive him. The humour of seeing her dragged around by Yoshino was completely gone, now he really meant what he said. She had every right to hit him. Temari wasn't the kind of girl who gave the cold shoulder. She said what she was thinking loud and clear, and if someone didn't like it, it was their problem. If she accepted an apology she'd say so, if she didn't she'd make it blindingly clear until such a time as her requirements for a proper apology were met.

In a desperate gesture of sorrow he grabbed her by the shoulder, pulling a small package from the pocket of his jounin vest and pushing it into her hand. She looked down, not really wanting to take in what he had handed her from inside her own clothing, and turned away.

Watching her turn away from him and follow the last person she would be wanting to see struck a chord somewhere in him. He wanted her forgiveness. Shikamaru sighed as he started toward the embassy.

–

Temari dragged her feet on the way to the Nara compound. She really wasn't looking forward to rehashing her discussion with Yoshino, who had ironically perpetrated the same crime that she had accused her son of, assaulting the Suna ambassador. It was only five in the afternoon, but in mid spring the shadows were already getting a little longer. She'd have to make it back before dark or risk getting lost.

She hadnt really wanted to walk away from Shikamaru like that. She wasn't even that mad at his joke. The thought had played in her head that he might be curious about her body, hell with the way her mind was, it had played ad nauseum. He wouldn't be normal if he didn't at least think about it. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she kind of wanted him to think enough of her body that it tempted him to explore. At the same time the thought of him disrespecting her vulnerability was nauseating. The conundrum had short circuited her brain several hours before. She had likened it to being in a drunken state, while she appreciated attention, she didn't want to be taken advantage of. And respect was one thing that she was never sure of with Shikamaru.

But then, he'd called her 'Tem', which hard sparked a rush of girlish emotions in her. She'd never had a nickname. Maybe he was just shortening it so that he could get out more explanation in a shorter time before she killed him. It still made her indecently happy now that she wasn't so angry.

The packet in her hand crumpled as her fists clenched in uncertainty. She looked down, as if seeing it for the first time. She hadn't paid attention when he'd found the item in his pocket, but looked at it properly. Thick paper, unmarked, some kind of foil poking from the top. Temari raised the packet to her nose and instantly went weak at the knees. The hunger inside her flared and her hands were shaking almost uncontrollably. If anyone ever asked her what heaven smelled like, she now knew the answer.

_Cigarettes._

Temari tore at the packet, pulling one out and fishing around in his pocket for a lighter. Her fingers fumbled around one and she lit the cigarette like it was going to produce the smoke that cured cancer rather than the opposite. The first puff filled her lungs and she felt light headed. Oh, she could see why he did this. This was _good._ At least, good after she'd been jonesing for more than thirty-six hours. In all the hectic events of the past two days she had completely forgotten that he was a smoker. A small mercy to remember.

She leaned against a nearby wall, enjoying to sensation of muscle weakness and satisfying jitters. Her eyes closed and she didn't hear anyone else approach. The head rush was so intense that she couldn't make out the words that were spoken in here direction. Slowly opening her eyes, Temari tried to bring herself back to reality. It wasn't hard when she saw who was standing in front of her.

The tall blonde standing in front of her made her eyes narrow. An effervescent smile, long platinum hair, blue eyes and killer curves. It was goddamn Yamanaka. Temari had met her once or twice, never in a capacity that she wanted to relive. The little minx had actually tried coming onto Kankurou last time they had met.

"Shika?" Ino asked and Temari realised that she had been talking. She tried to wipe the sour look off her face, but the familiar nickname and no honorifics had sparked her temper again.

"Sorry, what did you say... Ino?" It wasn't usually 'Ino', it was usually 'Yamanaka-chaaaan' in her most grating voice.

"I said that smoking is a dirty habit," Ino smiled coyly. "But you look sexy with a cigarette."

He _what?_ Temari couldn't stop the slackjawed look that crossed her face. Was Ino hitting on her? Or was this the way they usually talked? Who talked like this? Who says that? Were they... together?

"Just kidding, Shika," Ino giggled, slapping her on the arm. Oh, she was so not kidding. Temari's face went from shock to anger. Sure it was okay for Shikamaru to joke about fishing around inside her clothes, from the looks of it he was doing it to half the town. A single day in his body and she was already fending off advances from two women.

"What do you want, Ino?" She was too tired to keep up the charade. And now she felt foolish for even thinking he respected her. Cute nicknames and thoughtful cigarettes be damned, he was probably so used to doing those innocently charming things. Scratch an itch, make them feel individual, make them think it's more than just a crush.

Most infuriatingly of all, she could feel his body reacting to Ino. The girl was a fox, even Temari had to admit it, and her eyes were drawn fleetingly to indecent lines of sight. His damn hormones had her by the nuts, literally.

Ino's face fell at the rude question, she looked halfway between hurt and angry.

"Nothing," she hissed, turning tail and storming off.

Temari forced herself not to watch the girl's swinging ass as she left. Gross.


	5. The Albatross

**A/N: **I can't apologise enough to any devoted readers out there. I have tried and tried but right now I am just not feeling this story. So here's a mini-chapter to hold you over until my brain starts working again.

--

Temari sighed heavily, stirring her tea. Another morning of hands so big she could barely hold a teaspoon. She sat in the cafe they had arranged to meet at for breakfast, havind made a special effort to get out of bed early. Another coffee would have been more appreciated than tea, but she wasn't going to fuel herself on caffiene and nicotine. The flying thoughts were only made worse by stimulants.

It was strange that Shikamaru hadn't shown yet, she mused, looking down the street through the window, he would have been awake long before her. Admittedly it was easy enough to get distracted at the embassy. He was probably taking bubble baths and reading books, the whole place was set up for the diversion of foreign emissaries, and she couldn't blame him for indulging. She had been with his parents for two days and already knew that when she was allowed out of their grasp she wouldn't be seen again for a week.

Temari's need to keep tabs on her body at all times was slowly getting drowned out by laziness. She was coming to some form of understanding concerning his most serious character flaw. If she let herself worry about something it was likely to consume her entire world until a suitable resolution was reached. So the subject matter of her thoughts had to be picked very carefully, and a tardy rendezvous was not worth potentially losing focus on their current objective.

"Temari." She raised her head at the sound of her own voice.

"About time," she grumbled, eeling a sting of anger at the sight of him. "I've figured out a solution to our little problem."

He sat down across from her, pouring his own tea. "Good, I was hoping that you would say that. I haven't thought of a single thing."

The air between them was thick with unspoken words. Temari frowned, this wasn't usual between them. Both had their share of indiscretions, but all was forgiven and forgotten quickly, neither of them liked to hold grudges. Usually the only thing unspoken were their unanimous apoglogies and pardons, and she didn't like this new awkward tension. She decided to stick to the point.

"Yamada-san is playing politics with us, and it's a game where we have the advantage. If he is extradited to Kirigakure we will certainly not be dispelling his jutsu in the foreseeable future, but we do have ground to avoid it. Of the four assassinations he performed, only one was from Kiri, one from Suna and two from Konoha. Our villages also suffered several civilian losses by his hand."

"You're planing to have him tried and executed here?" Shiakamaru asked, looking pensive.

"Not necessarily," Temari stated, taking a swig of her tea. There was something intensely satisfying about laying her plan out in the open. "Kiri's justice system is painfuly slow, especially where death row is concerned. Yamada is still planning on having another twenty years of life, if we have him tried in Suna or Konoha, Bingo Book gets priority, he won't see the end of the month."

"What's your point?"

"That he wants to go to Kiri. And if a certain ambassador had the power to prevent that from happening..."

"Then he'd probably be willing to negotiate with that ambassador," Shikamaru finished, looking impressed. She had spent all night coming up with her plan, and was very pleased with the ego boost that came with Shikamaru's approval. It made her eel more in control of the situation. "So we'll go tot he hospital and..."

"No go," Temari scowled. "The Kiri ambassador arrived this morning to discuss extradition, our captor isn't going to be available until at least tomorrow. One more night like this."


	6. The Dog

Shikamaru shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It was like a well earned holiday to be in Temari's brain, but he was quickly finding out that even an unburdened brain could get busy if given a complex enough situation to analyze. And she was giving him a doozy.

They had seperated after breakfast, her path set to the cryptology department and his to another day of laying low. Temari had not offered him a single friendly word for the whole morning, her anger barely concealed. She thought that she was so smooth at hiding her emotions, but the way she avoided eye contact, that kind of impassive expression on her face. It was concerning him, as she hadn't been angry the day before. Maybe put out, a little shocked, even slightly uneasy, but not angry.

So while he should have been thinking of negotiation techniques to use on Yamada, he had instead spent the entire day lying on the grass thinking of how to make up for one stupid joke that he had made. It surely couldn't be all about that, could it? She wasn't the kind to be irrational, least of all when she was under pressure. That was why she was so tolerable, because even if he mortally offended her she'd accept a genuine apology and just get over it. Apparently not this time.

The shadows were growing long. It would be time to pick her up from cryptology soon. Shikamaru sighed heavily, climbing to his feet. This was the first day in living memory when he had looked up at the sky all day and not once paid attention to the clouds. It was also the first time that he'd thought for an entire day on a problem and not seen a solution. And Temari was smart. The brain he was locked in... well it was sometimes hard to operate, sometimes he felt like his thought process just hit a brick wall and couldn't go any further. But she was more than capable of discerning the source of someone's anger and fixing it.

He really didn't want her permanently pissed off with him. Their friendship was important to him, even if he was having some trouble putting his finger on the reason. Then there was that tiny crush he couldn't help but harbour. Purely physical, of course, and if there was one good thing to come out of the whole situation it was that he was no longer attracted to her. Still, that didn't mean he wanted to be estranged from her.

He just didn't want to hurt her.

The walk through town always seemed longer. Her body was so fit that he could have run the whole way there, but at walking pace her shorter legs made the trip drag. He was a little perturbed at the fact that he was getting used to the adjusted walking pace. The plan had been to get their bodies back before dinnertime, not sit around and get comfortable. One more day, they'd negotiate themselves out of this mess. Well, Temari would. He had never been one for diplomacy.

Shikamaru saw Temari standing outside cryptology ahead of him, leaning casually against the wall. She didn't look like she was going to fall over anymore, she was getting used to his body as well. Worse, she wasn't alone. Shikamaru closed his eyes momentarily to compose himself. If there was one person in the whole world that he did not want Temari talking to right now, it was Yamanaka Ino.

Those two never got along. They hadn't offended each other as far as he knew, but there was definitely something between them that grated. They would both go out of their way to irritate the other, although never to aggravate. With the way Ino had been acting lately, he barely wanted to see her himself. It was like she'd developed a crush on him or something, and she wasn't being subtle about it.

Shikamaru's sense of dread only increased as he realised they were both smiling. This was not going to end well for him, he knew that much.

"Oh, hi, Temari," Ino spoke up as he approached. Shikamaru stopped moving forward. For some reason his old friend was looking like the cat that got the cream.

"Hi, Ino," he replied lazily, then baulked at the look on her face. Crap, Temari didn't call her Ino. Temari didn't call anyone except him by their forename, and she almost always used honorifics. Oh well, he just needed a quick recovery. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," Ino said, just a little smugly.

Shikamaru turned inquisitive eyes to Temari. "And you, Nara-kun?"

"Sorry, Temari-sama, I can't escort you tonight, Ino and I are going out."

Shikamaru didn't move, his whole body freezing in place. He didn't know what shocked him more: that Temari was taking Ino on a date or that she had the gall to look him in the face and say that like it was the most natural thing in the world. _Oh, yeah, by the way I got you a girlfriend today._

That gutsy, bossy, bitch of a woman. So this was his punishment when an apology wasn't good enough. Oh, he was going to get her back for this. He wasn't sure how yet, but she would pay.

"Oh, that's nice," he tried to sound casual about the whole thing, wondering if it was possible to kill Temari with his brain. Ino was looking between them, obviously sensing tension, but unaware of its true source. "I guess I'll find someone else to drag around."

Temari looked mildly alarmed, as if suspicious at how well he was taking the news that he was now going out with Ino. This was a very painful game to be playing, she was mad and trying to screw with him, and that made his own temper flare up. It had been almost nice to see Temari mellow out for a while, but now she was back to her old oneupmanship.

"Well then, I'll see you later," she said with a pleasant smile. She grabbed Ino's hand, the blonde sending him a vicious smirk which he found baffling, and they headed away. Shikamaru waved politely, sitting on the stoop of the building. A plan was already formulating in his mind.

Oh, Temari would regret this.

–

There was only one place that Ino would drag 'Shikamaru' on a date, he had decided. No doubt Temari was giving her whatever she wanted in an attempt to further complicate his life, so there was little doubt that Ino's favourite noodle bar was their destination.

Still, two could play at that game, and if she wanted to screw around with his lovelife then she was naïve to think that he wouldn't fight back. Maybe she hadn't realised that while she didn't have a fanclub, there were more than a few men around town who would go out with her if asked. As it happened, that night he was feeling a distinct companionship with Kiba, who had been more than willing to oblige him in his sudden craving for noodles.

But being seen in public with Kiba was only the start of his truly diabolical scheme. As embarrassing things went, an instant rapport with a decent ninja who she only had to touch base with every three months was not exactly devestating to her social status. So he had decided to take it a step further and raided her wardrobe, making sure that every one of the embassy attendants knew that their beloved Temari needed help with a saucy outfit. Perhaps it would console her to know that when dressed up, both he and Kiba found her to be extremely sexy. And just to rub some salt in the wound he had decided to leave the tessen behind.

So as he rocked up to the noodle bar, arm in arm with the village's favourite dog ninja, he was feeling fairly confident that this would aggravate her to just the right extent. Kiba was giving him looks that were beginning to freak him out a little, but had for all intents and purposes been a gentleman, so he decided it was a small price to pay.

Shikamaru could have thought of worse punishment than a night at the noodle bar, the food was actually pretty good, and as they walked in the door the scent of sauce and fried meat made his stomach grumble. He spotted Temari and Ino sitting at the bar almost instantly and paused to wonder if his hairstyle had always been that conspicuous. The situation didn't immediately resemble the one he had imagined, which also threw him off.

He had imagined that Temari would spend the night flirting with Ino, then leave her hanging, thus maximising the torture for himself when he inevitably had to talk her down. It seemed the only natural Temari move in this situation. So it came as a surprise to see their completely platonic conversation. They actually seemed to be enjoying the conversation. He saw as mile light Temari's face as they became more animated.

He suddenly felt a little nervous, his crush was obviously enjoying herself with his number one fan. He didn't really have a chance to back out now, short of faking a sprained ankle.

"Oh, hey Ino, Shikamaru," Kiba made for the counter where they were seated and Shikamaru kissed his sprained ankle plan goodbye. Temari turned around and met his eyes.

Her mouth opened, but her expression barely changed. He tried to gauge her reaction without giving too much away. Much to his surprise she didn't seem all that mad, the slight raise of her eyebrows betrayed amusement. Her eyes swept his body, taking in the revealing outfit. A troublesome spark of challenge lit up her eyes.

"Kiba, Temari-san," she said casually, flicking a questioning look at Ino. "Why don't you join us?"

Damn, this was totally not working the way he had planned. She hadn't so much as raised her voice at him. Maybe he could still fake an injury. He blamed the plan entirely on her deficient brain, which he would be sure to mock when she couldn't give him a tattoo without his prior knowledge. But having no other immediate option, he nodded politely and took the seat furthest from Temari.

No matter how he played this, it was going to be a very long evening.

–

Shikamaru wasn't used to his plans failing.

The feeling was a shock to the system. After two hours of pretending to be Temari around his closest friends, tolerating the wolf whistles that his outfit evoked, dealing with the creepy glances from Kiba, and becoming increasingly aware that Temari's revenge had been completed by asking Ino out and she had no intention of ruining his friendship with her, he had decided that this had been a complete and utter failure.

Thankfully Temari had grown bored of torturing him and excused herself and Ino with some excuse about cryptology that he knew to be blatantly untrue. Now he just had to get rid of Kiba. They had left the restaurant, but seemed to be lingering in the streets, more aimlessly walking than actually heading home. Every time he tried to direct the stroll towards the embassy Kiba would get distracted and lead them off course.

Shikamaru sighed, it they had slowly wandered into the minor clan district, not far from his own home. Since Temari had kindly spared his own reputation, he resisted the urge to transform into himself while Kiba wasn't looking and run home. Instead he continued the conversation politely and tried futilely to look for an out.

"I didn't know you were going to be in town this week," Kiba mused. "Shikamaru usually can't shut up about your visits."

Shikamaru snorted, that wasn't even true. He barely hung around Kiba, and never alone, and certainly never discussed upcoming Temari Time.

"I'm sure," he replied dryly, smirking at the dog ninja.

Kiba snorted, "Okay, he doesn't really say it so much, he just gets kind of... distracted. Kinda twitchy."

Twitchy? Shikamaru's eyebrows shot up. Was he really like that when a visit was impending? If Kiba could notice with the limitted time they spent together, it must have been pretty obvious.

"I guess diplomatic duties are a break from his... troublesome missions," he smirked, identifying the cause.

"Yeah," Kiba grinned mischievously. "Sure."

"What are you talking about?" He tried to mimic Temari's annoyed tone, but his curiosity was piqued. He had never imagined this advantage of wearing her body, he could now candidly find out what his friends thought about him.

"Ah, it's nothing," Kiba's grin didn't budge an inch, but he looked away just briefly. "He just might have a little thing for you."

Oh, damn. Sure, he had admitted to himself that there was maybe a 'little thing' happening, but he hadn't realised the others saw it, too. Maybe someone who knew him well, like Ino or Choji, but Kiba? Team 8 never had a vested interest in his social life. Hinata had probably spotted it and passed on the gossip.

"Oh," he replied meekly, still wondering how he'd salvage this situation.

"And, well..." Kiba met his eyes with a disturbing gaze. "It wasn't really a coincidence that we ended up in the same place as them, was it?"

Oh, no, no, no. Shikamaru was frozen in place by the accusation. He had this _all wrong_. They had been there to get on Temari's nerves, not to make her jealous. Or vice versa. However this worked, it didn't work like _that_. Not even close.

"Well... I..." Shikamaru stumbled over an explanation, trying to find the words for exactly how wrong Kiba was. He felt kind of stupid that his crush on Temari was so obvious whereas her reciprocation was purely a figment of Kiba's imagination. He suddenly realised that they were straying very close to his house. Was this a setup?

"Temari." Kiba cut him off, forcing him to look the dog ninja in the face. Shikamaru realised too late what was happening. He tried to bend away but Kiba caught him by the waist and pressed their lips together.

Shikamaru froze, his body refusing to move as Kiba kissed him. The dog nin broke away and grinned at his surprise. If only he knew its source. "Go get him, Temari. He won't say no."

The shadow nin couldn't move as he watched Kiba wander away, leaving him at the gates of the Nara compound. His whole mind had frozen over. He had just _kissed _ Kiba. He had managed to chase after Temari both in and out of her body, and he had _kissed Kiba. _Oh, Kami, he was never going to get the taste out of his mouth. If anyone ever caught wind of this, he'd never live it down. _Ever._

A noise from the street brought him out of his horrified funk and he saw someone running for the Nara gates. Upon closer examination, it was himself, or more accurately, Temari. She stopped short when she saw him, and he couldn't help but notice that she was wearing the exact same expression as he was. A combination of horror and childish guilt.

"Temari?" he queried, not entirely sure he was seeing right. "What's wrong?"

She wiped her mouth, not meeting his eye. "Nothing."

The reality dawned on him and his jaw hung slack. "You kissed Ino."

"She kissed me!" Temari protested angrily, taking a threatening step forward. "I was just walking her home like you would have done and she... she..."

Shikamaru couldn't help himself. This was too perfect. They had both set out to piss each other off and ended up getting themselves into the worst dates in the history of man. He laughed, ignoring her angry glare. "Can we promise to never again try this tactic to irritate each other?"

"Why aren't you angry?" Temari quizzed. He watched the emotions play across her face. Curiosity, then suspicion which morphed into realisation and finally outrage. "You kissed Kiba!"

"Don't remind me," he grumbled. She looked as if she might tackle him, but it did nothing to dull his good humour. This was the most elaborate foot-shooting he had ever seen, and he was almost proud to be a part of it. The energy slumped from Temari's posture and she started to laugh as well.

"We never speak of this again," she laughed, leaning on his shoulder, obviously exhausted. Shikamaru suddenly had a weird feeling in his chest as he looked at her. This was why he loved being friends with Temari. Any other girl would have lost their cool and killed him for this fiasco. Not Temari, she just laughed and admitted that they both screwed up.

But that wasn't right, he reminded himself as he supported her into the gates of the Nara compound. His attraction to Temari was purely hormonal, he was a teenage boy, he wanted sex, she was there, it was only natural. He couldn't be feeling this kind of affection for her when he was devoid of male hormones and she was in an extremely unattractive form.

"Nice outfit, by the way," she sneered, jabbing him in the ribs with her fingertips.

"Yeah, your attendants picked it out," he smiled at her and she groaned.

"It's going to be weeks before they remember how mean I am," she complained, leaning against the fence and wrapping an amicable arm around his shoulder.

Shikamaru felt awkward, the proximity of their bodies shouldn't have been affecting him, but it was. He felt comfortable leaned up against his own body, warm under her arm and so happy to be with her after a night of unimaginable awkwardness. This was all wrong, and not just the fact that he was falling for his own face. Temari just wasn't his kind of girl.

"Temari..." He found himself looking at her face as he brought his hands up to mold chakra and transformed into his own body. Temari took the hint, transforming into herself in turn, curious gaze fixed on his eyes.

The instant they were both in their own forms, Shikamaru clutched her face between his hands and brought his lips to hers. Temari squeaked in surprise but didn't resist, quickly pulling herself closer to him. She was so warm in his arms, her mouth burned against his. They stumbled backwards, he found himself leaning back against the fence so that she could wrap her legs around his hips, pressing herself flush against him.

Shikamaru broke their kiss, gasping. He had meant to give her a chance to object, this was happening fast, way too fast. But as their lips parted she leaned over him and started sucking on his earlobe, her hips grinding against him, and that killed his hesitancy. Soon they were stuck in a frantic, panting, pawing embrace, a completely undignified union. Somewhere along the way her dress had slipped off her shoulder, his hair had been pulled down, he wasn't really sure what was going on. He had never imagined Temari would be up for such a graceless affair.

Shikamaru was vaguely aware of Temari's panting voice muttering nonsensical encouragements, and he was finding out that despite his occasional ponderings on the matter, being transformed did nothing to kill his ability to get aroused. Damn, she was so sexy, he never knew she could be like this. It was so tempting to pull off the rest of her troublesome clothing and see what the big deal was about sex, but... the more she turned him on the worse his chakra control was getting.

"Temari," he managed to wrangle his lips away from hers and force her to still. "This is going to get really weird really soon if we don't stop."

"Chakra control?" she asked breathlessly. He nodded and she agreed. "Me too."

"I guess I'd better get back to the embassy," he smiled, eyes still locked on hers. She kept her form, holding onto it as she turned and started towards the main house.

Temari paused and looked over her shoulder. "We'll continue this after we have our bodies back."

Shikamaru couldn't hide his grin as she retreated into the shadows. Maybe there was something more to Temari than her looks and his hormones. He chuckled as he turned and set the path back to the embassy, hanging onto his own body for as long as he could.


	7. The Weasel

Temari turned her face toward the morning sun, leaning against the hospital entrance. She had awoken early, full of a renewed energy. Today was the big day, and it felt good.

Yamada Tenchi would be free for visitors this morning, they were getting their bodies back, she could have a long hot bubble bath at the embassy tonight, and maybe she and Shikamaru could pick up where they left off. Today was going to be a very good day.

Now if only the lazy bum would show up.

It wasn't like she was that interested in what he was doing. Nothing like that. It wasn't as if her mind had been on him every second since that knee shaking, earth moving kiss last night. Couldn't be. But still, she couldn't help but smirk as her mind strayed back to the moonlit Nara compound.

She had never been one to let herself get carried away by fancy, but then, she'd never been romantically entangled. Her strict training, teaching and mission schedule took care of any social life she might have developed. It was only in Konoha that she really stood a chance.

Maybe he was taking advantage of her, but she doubted it. It wouldn't have mattered even if she suspected, as she had been struck with an unusual urge not to think too far ahead. Even if it ended in heartbreak, what she was feeling was worth it. The corners of her mouth wouldn't stop curling, her mind was struck with clarity, and she couldn't wait to see Shikamaru again.

"Temari," his voice was punctuated with a yawn as he waved from the hospital gates. Her heart suddenly expanded in her chest. That damn smile was back plaguing her face. This was a thrill like she'd never felt. She wanted to transform and drag him back to the embassy, lock him up in her room for days on end, she wanted to declare wild platitudes and tell him everything she was thinking, but she knew that if her enthusiasm wasn't reciprocated it would crush her. The feeling boiled inside her, making her face flush.

She now knew why people in love were so pathetic. "Good morning, Shikamaru."

They both paused, standing across from each other, unsure of what to say. Temari felt a spark pass between them that made her shiver. She momentarily weighed up kissing him, trying to think if it would be creepy because she'd be kissing herself or thrilling because she'd be kissing him. Deciding on creepy, she broke the moment by turning into the hospital.

Words weren't coming easily for her. She was wracking her brain for something to say, but nothing was really coming to her. Pretty much the only phrase that wanted to come from her mouth with something along the lines of _want to move to Suna and take up permanent residence in my bed?_And as much as she liked the prospect, it did not seem to be appropriate conversation.

So the walk to the prison wing was in silence, since he didn't seem to be volunteering much either. Temari couldn't help but notice the little smirk that played on his mouth as well.

Damn, she needed to get _out_ of this body.

Her mood was somewhat dulled by the solemnity of the prison wing. It wasn't often that a serious prisoner was captured alive. Most of the occupants were here on theivery or assault charges, and few of them were ninja. Yamada Tenchi was probably the first Bingo Book occupant this hospital had ever seen. There weren't any guards on his door. Temari knew that the room would be heavily protected by seals.

Shikamaru touched her elbow, pulling her up for a moment.

"This guy is an ass," he murmured. "Keep your cool."

Temari nodded, pushing the door open without further delay. The first thing that struck her about Yamada was his size, the man was enormous. The second thing that struck her was his total lack of grace or dignity. He lay in a heap of oddly angled limbs, legs wide open, looking unperturbed by their interruption. As though they had perhaps dropped over to watch the game at his place rather than walked into his prison cell.

"Yamada-san," Shikamaru greeted with a nod.

"The love birds!" Yamada boomed, leering at them. Temari shivered. "Come to talk me into switching you back?"

"Something like that," Shikamaru drawled. "We have an offer that you can't refuse."

"You know my terms." Yamada chuckled, looking supremely confident.

"We have new terms." Temari stepped forward, scowling down at their captor. "You change us back and we let you return to Kirigakure to live out your life on death row."

Yamada roared laughing, but Temari just smirked. He wiped tears from his eyes and looked up at her. "You can't kill a prisoner in hospital."

"You're right, we can't. But the sister of the Kazekage could easily halt your extradition and have you tried in Suna, or Konoha."

This caught his attention. The smile fell from Yamada' face and he looked thoughtful. "The Kazekage's sister, you say? So this has turned from bribery to blackmail."

"All we want is our bodies back," Temari reasoned, trying to put the pressure on him. "Do that for us and you're free to go back to Kiri."

Yamada lay back in his bed, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. Temari shifted uncomfortably, she hadn't expected him to jump all over the idea, death threats rarely went over well, but she had hoped that he would quickly admit that they had him and concede, not start counting ceiling tiles.

"You know," Yamada declared, "I don't think I'll take you up on your offer."

"What?" Temari couldn't help herself, the girlish yelp escaped her mouth. "You're going to kill yourself to keep us in these bodies?"

"I have no intention of killing myself."

Anger suddenly flared in Temari' chest. A million thoughts filled up her brain and sparked her temper. She'd had enough of this! Four days, three nights, a date with Ino, a break in cryptology, a hundred chores for Yoshino. At first it had been novel, even funny. Now she was done. If this bastard didn't want to play, she'd have him executed.

She raised her hands, molding chakra and transformed into herself. With a glance at Shikamaru she stormed from the room, good mood completely gone. Shikamaru called after her and then followed as she pushed her way through the busy hospital.

Temari knew that she should have slowed down, maybe even stayed with Yamada, negotiated, weedled his plan out of him and informed ANBU. Shikamaru had told her to keep her cool, and she knew in that respect she had failed, but her mind felt like it was imploding. The furiously thinking brain that she was now burdened with only got worse with time. She was getting completely overwhelmed in crises, and the foolish criminal trying her patience had set her into a downward spiral.

Shikamaru followed her to the door in his own form, biting his tongue until they were safely out the front door. He rounded on her, his imposing figure almost blocking out the sun. Temari glared up at him. He was so rarely angry, but seeing it was somewhat frightening.

"I told you to keep your cool," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Now what's your big plan?"

"My plan?" She kept her voice even, but he was pissing her off just as much as Yamada. "Where's your plan?"

"You're the one with the damn brain."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," her voice dripped with sarcasm. "I forgot that my body didn't come equipped with a brain."

"That's not what I... Temari..." Shikamaru's shoulders dropped. "Why are you being like this?"

"Becaue I'm _angry_!" The words came out of her mouth almost unbidden. She didn't know why she was being like this. It wasn't helping, and she never let a situation get out of hand. She was just drowning in thoughts, unable to carve a path through to a rational solution.

Somehow it all seemed like his fault. If she hadn't gone to help him she would still be in her own body, happily getting on with her life. If he was able to function in her body, she wouldn't be shouldering the burden of trying to fix things. If he just wasn't so...

"Temari, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Everything he said seemed to only make her angrier. "Why the hell would I want to calm down? We're going to be stuck like this forever. And I sure as hell can't expect any help from you!"

"What do you want from me?" he demanded. "Half of my time is spent fending off attendants or taking advice from strangers! Or in there talking to Mr. Congeniality."

"Oh, you poor baby. It's not like I have a full time job or your pain in the ass family on my schedule, not to mention a small library of information trying to be processed through my every orifice." They were very close to making a scene, and she was glad for the relatively deserted street, but she didn't think that even a crowd could have derailed her anger at this stage. "And where the hell have you been? Oversleeping and playing dressups. Not, say, giving me tips on how I'm supposed to handle the encyclopedia that lives inside your skull, or how to distract Yoshino from the warpath. How incredibly fucking helpful you've been!"

"Me?" Shikamaru gave her an oddly feminine face of astonishment. "I'm not the one asking your friends out on dates or beating you up in public! And I didn't hear any heads up from you that given the lightest encouragement your staff would mob me until I wanted to murder them. Oh, and I _still_ don't know why I want to cry every time I see a child under the age of ten."

"Kami, you'd think I'd shot you in the leg," Temari sneered. "It's just a bit of admiration from people, and the crying thing? That's called PMS. I handle it once a month, I'm sure you can put up with it just this once. I put up with all this stuff, all the time, and you're so overwhelmed by it that you just fold!"

"You're supposed to be around!" His voice now had a kind of husky note, and she almost smirked. Even in his own body he was beginning to sound like her. "I'm putting up with this every day, but where are you? You're supposed to be around, to keep my temper under control and not let me hurt anyone. You're supposed to be the one person who doesn't treat me like a child!"

"And you?" Temari had now completely lost control of herself, the words were just spilling from her mouth, fuelled by fire. "You're the only one who makes me _enjoy_ thinking, but you're so wrapped up in your own shit that you can't even toss me some good conversation, much less let me just relax for a while. You're the one who doesn't make me think."

Her rant lost all of its energy as the realisation settled on her. The words suddenly hung so thick between them that it was hard to breathe. They looked at each other, a shared expression of daunted revelation. They had said everything, but there was just one thing that had been said. _I need you._

"I... I need to go," Temari stammered, backing up.

"Tem..." Shikamaru tried to catch her, but she stumbled back, keeping out of his reach. She wasn't ready for this. Making out maybe, not this. He grabbed for her hand, but she yanked it out of reach.

"No! You're just.. just useless. You can't think, you can't fight, your chakra's all warped and in that body you are so useless it's unbelievable." The word were hurtful, but she needed them. Needed to prove that she didn't need him. Needed to be able to recover if he crushed her. "You're so preoccupied with my wardrobe and my staff that you're no good to me. Hell, you probably only want to get out of that body so that you can get into my pants."

This time Shikamaru stayed silent, not meeting her eye. She paused, judging his reaction, suddenly confused. "Why aren't you defending yourself?"

A blush crossed the boy's face and he studied the ground intently, his guilt clearly written on his face. "I... I..."

Temari's gut sunk low. He had touched her. She had trusted him and he had abused it. She felt like a great weight had settled on her heart as she turned from him and walked away.

–

Shikamaru pushed open the door to Temari's bedroom, feeling like he was about to collapse. He flopped down onto her bed, facefirst. Six hours at the Hokage's office. Six hours of Tsunade-baachan was too much for anyone. Temari's declaration of his pointless behaviour the last few days had him determined to put something into action. Six hours of Tsunade, but the extradition to Suna was organised. Yamada Tenchi would begin his three day journey that very evening and be executed the day he set foot in Sunagakure.

At least the technicalities were sorted, but he had bigger fish to fry. Organising an extradition was easy compared to his next task: getting Temari to forgive him. Maybe the Hokage had been more bearable today because his mind wasn't in the office. He had fucked things up with Temari. Big time. And just as he was realising that what he was feeling went way beyond a crush or a physical attraction.

He hadn't meant to hurt her. He hadn't meant to disrepect her. Hadn't meant anything at all, really. Their encounter had just left him so hot under the collar, and her reflection in the mirror had been so beautiful... at first he just wanted to really see what she looked like, and the body he had been trying so hard not to look at had taken his breath away when he finally gave in. Then a touch, a carress, soon it had been too late to stop.

Now she would never trust him again. He had sorted things out with the extradition so that she could relax for a while, but it seemed like a pitiful effort to make up for violating her. The look on her face had been so hurt, he felt like crying as he imagined it, and he didn't think it was due to PMS. He couldn't explain why three days ago Temari was just an acquaintance, some cool kunoichi who visitted occasionally, and now he didn't know how to deal with her being mad at him. It felt like his heart was breaking.

Why couldn't she have yelled? Screamed? Hit him? Any of those would have been fine with him, but she hadn't. She looked like he had just punched her in the chest. The disappointment and hurt was worse than any blow she could have dealt.

He sighed. Three more days and he could try to regain her trust from inside his own body.

A knock on the door made him look up. "Come in."

"Temari-sama," her attendant bowed, holding a scroll in her hands. "Word from the Hokage. The prisoner whose extradition your oversaw, Yamada Tenchi, escaped while being transported from the village."


	8. The Hyena

Shikamaru paced in the hallway outside the Hokage's office. The sun had set, the ANBU guards were already chasing down Yamada, and he could only hope that they'd succeed. If they didn't then his fate would be in Ino's hands.

He was restless, wishing he was out there with them. He needed to be tracking the bastard down. But in Temari's body his chakra was all screwed up, her wind body trying to mingle with his shadow soul. He could swing a heavy fan around but to properly fight he'd have to learn chakra control from scratch. So here he was again, useless.

Temari was slumped on a chair, silent, waiting. She hadn't really spoken to him since the previous morning.

Shikamaru felt doubly frustrated. He felt like running, from both Yamada and Temari, finding somewhere he could lie on the grass and watch clouds in peace until both of them stopped existing. Two enormous burdens pressed down on him, uncertainty and guilt, and he could do nothing ebout either.

It wasn't the right time, but he had to have a shot at easing at least one of those burdens.

"Temari... I'm sorry."

She seemed startled to hear him speak, breaking her from her reverie. Unfortunately her suprise didn't channel any sympathy. "I don't want to hear it."

"Look, I didn't mean for this," he tried to explain, desperate for her to hear him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say, he just needed her to understand. Maybe he didn't have a good reason, but he wasn't some creepy pervert who had been waiting for any chance to get his hands on her.

"It's not the kind of thing that happens accidentally." The tone of voice made his insides shrink and clench. That same curt, dead voice she had used the day before, eyes straight ahead. "What's done is done, nothing we can do to change it. For what it's worth, I understand."

"You do?" The acceptance caught him by surprise.

Tired eyes raised to meet his gaze. "A combination of sexual frustration, a foreign body at your disposal and an unresolved crisis on our hands? Yeah, I can see why you'd do something stupid."

"So... you're not mad?" The guilt that was crushing his chest eased slightly, letting him breathe.

"I'm... I'm not mad," she said after a moment's consideration. "I'm disappointed that you didn't have more restraint. For now I just need some time."

Time. He could give her time. Maybe. It seemed like the hardest thing to give her, and not just because they would be very close until Yamada was caught. The real cruelty was that he wanted to examine her from every angle until he caught the root of her disappointment and found a way to redeem himself. That was impossible, until she was ready and maybe afterwards as well. Maybe unassuagable guilt was his punishment.

"Whatever you need." If that was his punishment, he'd accept it. She needed him. Not just now. Always. Their accidental confession the day before had sent him into a tailspin. Yeah, right now he needed her to assure him that he wasn't the idiot he was being treated like. But that was just right now. When they were back in their own bodies she would need him. And he'd need her.

It felt like he had always needed her. Hearing it out loud had been a shock, but after a full day to think about it, since the first time he'd been set up as her escort, she was the highlight of his year. Temari-sama, who didn't give him pointless choices that he had to think through, she just told him what was required of him. Temari who made him want to overthink things, challenging him mentally, more like a game than a troublesome conversation. Tem, who needed him like he needed her.

He'd been an idiot.

The Hokage's door opened, Shizune poking her head out. "You can come in, we have news."

Shikamaru glanced at Temari and followed Shizune. Tsunade was standing by the window, Pakkun sitting next to her. The little pug lowered his head in their direction.

"We've apprehended Yamada Tenchi," Tsunade spoke first. "Unfortunately his extradition must be postponed."

"Postponed?" Temari gasped. "Until when?"

Tsunade's face was grim, she was unusually emotionless and Shikamaru knew that it meant there was real trouble. "Until we figure out how to get him out of my ANBU's body, which he hijacked to escape."

"An ANBU's..." Shikamaru looked at Temari. So that's how he had escaped, switched his soul into one of his guards. Dammit.

"Yamanaka Inoichi currently has Yamada under guard at his clan's halls, and he has requested your presence, since you two are the only ones who have fought him and seen his techniques." Tsunade turned and stared out of the window, pensive. Shikamaru rarely saw her like this, Ymada had probably taken someone important.

"We'll go immediately, Hokage-sama," Temari responded for him, nodding to Shikamaru to follow her.

–

The Yamanaka clan halls were surrounded by people. Shikamaru counted at least fifteen ANBU immediately. There were several medics and a flock of Ino's relatives. The hall wasn't used a lot, it contained the scrolls for the techniques of the clan and was mainly used as a training ground for the youngsters.

He and Temari had made the decision to transform into themselves so that none of the highly attuned Yamanaka clan would be able to tell they weren't in the correct bodies. If anyone could spot a mind out of place it was these people.

Temari paused before advancing to the onlooking crowd. Her calm demeanor hadn't cracked, although he knew that she was probably all nerves. This was not a situation either of them wanted to be in. Her teal eyes pierced his as he stopped with her.

"Kiss me," she commanded.

The request caught him by surprise, but by now he was used to Temari's surprises. Without hesitation he leaned down and softly kissed her lips, calming his own nerves with hers. Their eyes held each others' for a few seconds before she turned to walk forward, but he stopped her.

"Temari, wait," he didn't know what was possessing him, but he needed to do this. Her stare turned back to him curiously. "Be with me."

"What?" Temari looked almost amused by the request. "Can't this wait until we're feeling more like ourselves?"

"No," he shook his head. "I want to ask you this now. Even if you're me and I'm you forever, I want to be with you."

Temari didn't answer, but a grin pulled at the side of her mouth as she struggled to contain it. Finally she gave him a cheeky smile and pulled him forward.

The beautiful blonde clansmen watched the pair advance to the enterance and check in with the ANBU. Yes, they were expected.

Inside the hall was mostly empty, a huge blank space, taken up by a circle of nin conducting some kind of ritual. The figure in the centre was held in complete stasis, not even breathing. Obviously they had somewhat raised the security after Yamada's shenanigans.

Inoichi and Ino were conversing with two ANBU captains, looking serious. They were trying to figure out what to do. Heck, he'd been trying to figure that out for a week and had made zero progress, maybe it was time to talk to the experts.

"Shikamaru," Inoichi greeted. "We'll skip the pleasantries. What did you see this man do?"

Shikamaru thought for a moment, trying to find a way to reveal Yamada's technique without insinuating that he had ended up displaced from his body. "He made a hand signal similar to Ino's mind control sign."

"Did you get caught in it?"

Good question. "At first. He switched my body with a squirrel's."

"So he probably uses one of our clan's forbidden techniques," Inoichi nodded, glancing at the captains before turning back to Shikamaru. "The Yamada clan is closely related to us. So how did you get out of the squirrel's body? Did the technique wear off?"

"No." Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to meet Inoichi's eyes. "He transferred me into an eagle."

"A multiple target technique," the older man nodded. "Maybe the wind swap jutsu. But we need to know if it will wear off. How did you get back to your body? How did you subdue him the first time?"

"Well, uh..." His mind searched desperately for a euphemism. He didn't want to throw off a serious investigation, Inoichi needed accurate information. At the same time, Ino was standing right next to him. Avoidance was probably the best. The second question was easiest to answer. "Temari' was nearby. Her fan knocked him out."

The older Yamanka was obviously aware that they weren't disclosing everything. He rounded on Temari. "How did you manage to get that close without being caught in the jutsu?"

Temari didn't speak, a nervous smile crossing her face. "He wasn't expecting the attack."

"Shikamaru," Inoichi growled at him. "How did you get back to your body?"

He was stuck. There was no way to avoid or euphemise himself out of that. He and Temari exchanged looks, knowing that they were caught. Shikamaru tried to stutter out an explanation but found no words.

Ino's giggle made everyone turn to her with angry glances. The blonde held up an apologetic hand, but her laughter was soon coming in gasps. Shikamaru closed his eyes. Damn.

"You... didn't..." she gasped for air, her face reddening. "You didn't... get back... did you?"

The guilty silence only increased her hysteria until the young kunoichi was doubled over, holding her stomach. The silent group watched as she fell to her knees, tears rolling down her face. Inoichi turned from his incapacitated daughter to the young couple.

"Is that true?"

Shikamaru sighed guiltily. He looked over at Temari, who looked equally chastened. They raised their hands in unison and released the transformation jutsu. Temari glared at the ground. "Turns out it doesn't wear off."

A scream of laughter echoed around the room from Ino. Even the ANBU had started chuckling. Inoichi's face was lit with an amused grin. A bubble of laughter erupted from his lips. He quickly straightened his face, but a grin was still tugging on his lips. "Okay, kids, I know what we're dealing with now, we'll get this straightened out."

Still smiling, Inoichi started flicking through the scrolls at the back of the hall. He seemed to find what he was looking for and consulted the text for several long minutes while his daughter composed herself.

"Okay, got it." Inoichi turned back toward them, his hands forming the Yamanaka seal.

As a sense of relief washed over Shikamaru, Ino leaned toward him and whispered, "Shikamaru, you will never live this down."

The dread that filled him was stilled as Inoichi's hands refocussed on Temari. With a jolt, Shikamaru was seeing the world from a different perspective.

–

Temari burst from the Yamanaka clan hall, her elation laid bare for all the world to see. Because she was _herself_ again. Her voice, her eyes, her arms and hands and fan. Her _body_! She was in her own body and it was the best thing she had ever felt.

Sure, Gaara would probably be receiving a letter from Ino shortly. She would be welcomed back to Suna by Kankuro's howling laughter and maybe a party thrown for the occasion. There might be an official document on the matter so that she could be certain never to live it down. But she didn't care.

Shikamaru grabbed her hand, grinning as broadly as she was. She lead him along, all anger at him forgotten. She thought she needed time. What she really needed was this. This and the carefully constructed revenge that would soon be executed. The thought only made her face brighter. Her body, her boyfriend and her whole life ahead of her.

Temari leaned up to him and stole a kiss as she pulled him toward the embassy. They were laughing as they stumbled through the streets, pausing on corners to tangle tongues and press bodies together before one would pull away and drag the other onwards.

By the time they reached the embassy they were bordering on public indecency, and Temari gratefully hauled him upstairs, unceremoniously ignoring her attendants. All their problems could be dealt with at another time.

Shikamaru pressed her her against her bedroom door, lifting her off the ground to get closer. This time she let herself cave in to her pounding heart and boiling blood. He felt so good. Temari clawed at his vest and shirt, his hands squeezed her thighs, she moaned into his lips.

He opened the door and they scrambled into the room, clothes strewn across the floor quickly. Shikamaru slammed the door and tackled her onto the bed. Finally, they were themselves again.

Temari giggled to herself at their reflection in the mirror, this was the best feeling in the entire world and it was about to get even better. Just as soon as he followed her gaze...

"Umm, Temari, why do I have your name tattooed on my ass?"

–

_**fin**_

--


End file.
